On Writer's Block and Real Life

I’ve not posted much in the past few weeks, I know that. The main reason for this is the complete lack of motivation I’ve felt recently. I’ve mentioned writer’s block before, in several posts in the past, saying that it’s just an excuse for being purely lazy. In the recent weeks though I’ve come to realise that there may be more to it than just laziness. 

Life has a way of getting to us all. We all have different coping mechanisms, some people find new relationships, others take up exercise and others still find a new hobby. My coping mechanism seems to be that I lose any motivation to write, or if I am writing I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve been jobless for the past three months. This may not seem too bad, particularly in light of the economic situation at the minute, but job searching has a way of getting to you. The constant applications and rejections slowly start to wear down at my self esteem, making me feel more and more like a failure. I lose the motivation not just to apply for jobs but for a lot of other things, including writing and drawing. I’ve felt myself slipping into that black hole of despair that many writers and artists teeter on the edge of and in the past week or so I’ve clawed my way back into the sunlight.

I managed to finish the Script Frenzy script, I’ve been writing random one-shots based in that universe for a group I’ve joined on LiveJournal and I’m starting to feel a whole lot better about myself. Part of this is due to simple comments on my writing that I’ve received through the group, little things like they like certain parts of the stories or random little nuggets of the text that I slipped in because my mind goes a little loopy after 8pm. I even got a call yesterday about a job. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to get it as it would require me to have a driving license which I sadly lack but the fact that that was the only thing holding me back from it just served to reassure me.

But the fact of the matter is that I did get writer’s block and lost all motivation. But it wasn’t because I’m lazy and not because I believe that the creative muse is a fickle beast that flitters off like a butterfly at inappropriate times but because I’m human and I got sad. It’s something to think about and it has really made me realise how much life can affect us all in ways we didn’t even realise.

So, as I sit here on this rainy Thursday afternoon I ask that you remember this when decrying writer’s block. It’s a large generic term that too often gets used as an excuse but when it comes down to it writer’s block is a cover all term that simply says that the writer can’t write. Not because the ideas aren’t there but because there’s something else going on in their lives. Distractions are things that will and do happen to us all.

It’s life after all. Live it.

Brain trickery. AKA procrastination

I am appallingly bad at doing things I’m meant to. It shows on the blog too. I should be write blog posts and posting them on time. I should be editing my novel and getting it ready to send off. I should be looking for a job every day. There’re lots of things I should be doing (too much time, too much stuff but it never gets done) but I just can’t get myself to do them. 

The thing is that I have to trick myself into doing anything most of the time. If I’m meant to be editing the novel I’ll be working on the Screnzy script. If I’m meant to be looking for a job I’ll be writing blog posts. Once I figure out what I do when I’m meant to be doing something else it’s fairly easy to get myself to do what I should be doing. Take this post for instance (no I don’t mean actually take it. Put it down!). I’m not meant to be writing it. I’m meant to be job hunting or editing right now. At least that’s what I told myself. Instead my brain decided that I should write a blog post instead and came up with this while I was cooking lunch (fish-finger sandwiches FYI). I don’t mind though as I know I needed to post something. Once I pinpoint when I do things as procrastination I can start making myself do them (I don’t even know if this makes sense :s).

This attitude probably isn’t healthy. In fact it screams of some kind of mental illness. The fact that I know I’m tricking myself into being productive but it still works really is a little worrying. But at the end of the day it gets me to do what needs to be done and that’s what matters. There’s probably going to be a point where I really need to start worrying though (mostly when I start referring to myself in the third person and occasionally demand to be addressed as Maximillian) but until then I’m just going to use this strange tricky ability (no, I know that doesn’t make sense but shush) and get things done.

See you in the nuthouse!

Project...Friday?

This is a very, very late Project Friday. Particularly seeing as it’s now Sunday. I’m really, really, really sorry. Friday I went all bleurgh and yesterday I was out until late with the Guides. Yes I’m a guide leader. People trust me with their children. I was amazed too. Anyway... I know it’s late, and I’ve already broken my word from last week but now it’s the first of April I actually have something to tell you about my projects. 

First is the Screnzy idea, oSaM. It’s no longer a vague concept in my mind, it’s getting substance and becoming reality. I’ve got one of my main characters designed and I’ve finally started to write the script. It’s slowly, very slowly, taking shape. Once I’ve finished this post I plan to get back to it and try to hit 5 pages before I go to bed. I’m really struggling with the opening though. Originally, in all my planning, I was going to just have mostly exposition for the first couple of pages but then I realised how boring it would be. Now I’m trying it where it starts with actual characters and has all the exposition come along later. It’s tricky though. I’m trying to get to some action and still show my readers what the characters are like but it’s almost impossible to do both. I need to sit down without any distractions and think about it properly.

Secondly, The Novel. Nothing’s really going on there. I’m still doing all my research, mostly into Norse myths and the religion. I’m also thinking about the story itself. Now in my original plans the story didn’t stop where I stopped it, there was another confrontation with the bad guys after the one I ended on. There was also way more manipulation of supporting characters that actually had the ability to destroy the world. Go figure. Now I’m looking at The Novel, trying to edit the first pages and I’m thinking to myself, ‘maybe I should separate it into three books.’ As it stands now it’s about a book and a half in length. Were I to add extra plottyness to the end (shaddup, it’s a word) I’d end up with a massive beast of a novel that could be used to knock out a large rhino. I’m probably going to have to split it up anyway, should I eventually get around to publishing it, so it’s worth considering turning it into a trilogy. I only meant for it to be a single novel. Go figure again.

Thirdly, the L.C. reboot. It’s stalled. That’s really the only way I can put it. Whatever creative muse has been stalking me this past month... well let’s say it’s like someone got a restraining order against it but it wasn’t me. This may be related to certain aspects of my social life that will stay private. Or it may be to do with the constant job rejections I’ve received this week. Every day I’d open my email inbox to see yet another rejection. I know I should be taking advantage of the fact that I’ve got no job but it’s disheartening when it feels constant. I’m hoping that a good night’s rest and some visible progress on oSaM will help pick me up.

I apologise for the somewhat depressing tone that this post seems to have taken but there’s not much I can do to change it. I try and edit it and it still sounds depressing. Apparently my unemployment is getting to me more than I thought.

Webcomic Wednesday!!

So it’s Wednesday and I’m writing this post. I actually managed to keep my promise. Go me!

Now the back patting and self congratulations are out of the way I’ll actually fill you in with what’s happening in my own personal web-comicking world.

For the last few days it’s been all about the resource gathering. I’ve been finding pictures, mostly for settings, and saving them onto my laptop into a variety of folders. I’m freakishly organised like that, at least for references. I’ve got entire folders dedicated to settings that may only appear for a few pages or so. I’ve got another bunch of folders solely for the use of character wardrobes, chockfull of clothing styles and pieces that I think reflect the vibe I’m going for with each character. Maybe this is the anal-retentive freak in me but I find organising my documents for comics to a freakish level fun and interesting. Artists and writers are generally thought of as some of the messiest people and I am messy. My room’s almost always got a few items of clothing lying around, although it’s usually folded slightly and put to one side. My comic materials and reference books are just shoved onto make-shift shelves in no particular order. Still though, I find myself organising and separating out my various projects into their own little physical folders. I give myself deadlines for completing certain parts of projects. It’s weird; I admit it and let’s move on. Nothing to see here, ignore the crazy creative type in the corner.

Last night I was reading through some other web-comics and sketch threads on the wonderful SmackJeeves forums that I frequent, probably too many times a day and I started sketching some of the images that I liked. I did this mostly to figure out why I liked a character or a style which actually worked. Then I shoved bits and pieces together and in a rough, and I mean ROUGH, sketch I managed to create one of my main characters! I’ve been struggling for ages to get him looking right, ever since I thought him up. He’s always come out too clean cut and young-looking but I need him battle hardened and a little rough around the edges. I’ve spent most of this evening working on a proper sketch of him though and it seems to be working. At last I have a picture of Gabe on paper that actually matches how I see him in my head. I’m so happy! He still needs work, shading and colour and the like, but I’m happy with how he’s looking so far. 

I just hope I can carry on drawing him for the 100+ pages that the Screnzy comic’s going to be.

I also went to an art store today. Big Mistake. I ended up buying some stuff for painting with acrylics; paintbrushes, acrylic painting pads, acrylic paints... Any way... I’m telling you this for a reason. Well, a reason other than the fact that I just want to talk about my shiny new toys. I’m telling you all this because, HOPEFULLY, I can start painting a few of my settings into actual paintings. I’ve still got to do all the prep work still as the settings currently live in my head, but once that’s out of the way I should be good and ready to paint some lovely, lovely pictures. And who knows, I might actually share some of my In-Progress pictures with you all... if I remember. Someone remind me?

Well, that’s my promise kept and my ramble about web-comics done. I plan on posting again on Friday for.... Project Friday? Yeah I made that one up on the spot too. Not as catchy as this one. I’ll work on it.

Ahem. Where was I? Oh yes, Project Friday *wince*. On Friday I’ll be filling you all in on the progress of various projects and might include a few photos/scans. Maybe even one of the lovely Gabe.

Excited?