On Writer's Block and Real Life

I’ve not posted much in the past few weeks, I know that. The main reason for this is the complete lack of motivation I’ve felt recently. I’ve mentioned writer’s block before, in several posts in the past, saying that it’s just an excuse for being purely lazy. In the recent weeks though I’ve come to realise that there may be more to it than just laziness. 

Life has a way of getting to us all. We all have different coping mechanisms, some people find new relationships, others take up exercise and others still find a new hobby. My coping mechanism seems to be that I lose any motivation to write, or if I am writing I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve been jobless for the past three months. This may not seem too bad, particularly in light of the economic situation at the minute, but job searching has a way of getting to you. The constant applications and rejections slowly start to wear down at my self esteem, making me feel more and more like a failure. I lose the motivation not just to apply for jobs but for a lot of other things, including writing and drawing. I’ve felt myself slipping into that black hole of despair that many writers and artists teeter on the edge of and in the past week or so I’ve clawed my way back into the sunlight.

I managed to finish the Script Frenzy script, I’ve been writing random one-shots based in that universe for a group I’ve joined on LiveJournal and I’m starting to feel a whole lot better about myself. Part of this is due to simple comments on my writing that I’ve received through the group, little things like they like certain parts of the stories or random little nuggets of the text that I slipped in because my mind goes a little loopy after 8pm. I even got a call yesterday about a job. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to get it as it would require me to have a driving license which I sadly lack but the fact that that was the only thing holding me back from it just served to reassure me.

But the fact of the matter is that I did get writer’s block and lost all motivation. But it wasn’t because I’m lazy and not because I believe that the creative muse is a fickle beast that flitters off like a butterfly at inappropriate times but because I’m human and I got sad. It’s something to think about and it has really made me realise how much life can affect us all in ways we didn’t even realise.

So, as I sit here on this rainy Thursday afternoon I ask that you remember this when decrying writer’s block. It’s a large generic term that too often gets used as an excuse but when it comes down to it writer’s block is a cover all term that simply says that the writer can’t write. Not because the ideas aren’t there but because there’s something else going on in their lives. Distractions are things that will and do happen to us all.

It’s life after all. Live it.

Project...Friday?

This is a very, very late Project Friday. Particularly seeing as it’s now Sunday. I’m really, really, really sorry. Friday I went all bleurgh and yesterday I was out until late with the Guides. Yes I’m a guide leader. People trust me with their children. I was amazed too. Anyway... I know it’s late, and I’ve already broken my word from last week but now it’s the first of April I actually have something to tell you about my projects. 

First is the Screnzy idea, oSaM. It’s no longer a vague concept in my mind, it’s getting substance and becoming reality. I’ve got one of my main characters designed and I’ve finally started to write the script. It’s slowly, very slowly, taking shape. Once I’ve finished this post I plan to get back to it and try to hit 5 pages before I go to bed. I’m really struggling with the opening though. Originally, in all my planning, I was going to just have mostly exposition for the first couple of pages but then I realised how boring it would be. Now I’m trying it where it starts with actual characters and has all the exposition come along later. It’s tricky though. I’m trying to get to some action and still show my readers what the characters are like but it’s almost impossible to do both. I need to sit down without any distractions and think about it properly.

Secondly, The Novel. Nothing’s really going on there. I’m still doing all my research, mostly into Norse myths and the religion. I’m also thinking about the story itself. Now in my original plans the story didn’t stop where I stopped it, there was another confrontation with the bad guys after the one I ended on. There was also way more manipulation of supporting characters that actually had the ability to destroy the world. Go figure. Now I’m looking at The Novel, trying to edit the first pages and I’m thinking to myself, ‘maybe I should separate it into three books.’ As it stands now it’s about a book and a half in length. Were I to add extra plottyness to the end (shaddup, it’s a word) I’d end up with a massive beast of a novel that could be used to knock out a large rhino. I’m probably going to have to split it up anyway, should I eventually get around to publishing it, so it’s worth considering turning it into a trilogy. I only meant for it to be a single novel. Go figure again.

Thirdly, the L.C. reboot. It’s stalled. That’s really the only way I can put it. Whatever creative muse has been stalking me this past month... well let’s say it’s like someone got a restraining order against it but it wasn’t me. This may be related to certain aspects of my social life that will stay private. Or it may be to do with the constant job rejections I’ve received this week. Every day I’d open my email inbox to see yet another rejection. I know I should be taking advantage of the fact that I’ve got no job but it’s disheartening when it feels constant. I’m hoping that a good night’s rest and some visible progress on oSaM will help pick me up.

I apologise for the somewhat depressing tone that this post seems to have taken but there’s not much I can do to change it. I try and edit it and it still sounds depressing. Apparently my unemployment is getting to me more than I thought.

Creative Explosion

So what can I say?  My creativity seems to have gone boom. It seems like all of a sudden I’ve got a ton of ideas that I’m working on and I’m actually seeing progress that I’m pleased with. 

My creativite mind... or at least what I imagine it looked like.

Image courtesy of http://pastorhobbins.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/explosion-big-bang.jpg

                My NaNo novel.... is titled and almost finished!! I couldn’t be prouder, my baby is almost fully born. I’m even looking forward to doing the editing and multiple drafts. There is one... flaw, I suppose you would call it. As of right now the total word count is 100,000 words. Now I’m no expert on the lengths of novels, even though I read a lot, but I think that may be too long for just one novel. It may be a case that in publishing it’s split into two. If I manage to get that far anyway. But apart from that things are rolling along nicely. I’m managing to get from my exposition right near the end to the actual climax at last. For weeks I’ve been staring at that part of the story, trying to make myself fill it in. Then in the last few days, as I’ve apparently hit a creative streak it’s started to work, I’m writing 800 to 1000 words of it a day, when I’m pushing myself, more than that when I’m not really trying and the ideas start pinging around my head. I’m glad of this really. It means that I’m on the home stretch and I’m one step closer to reaching my dream or at least trying for it.
                I’m working on my basic groundwork for Script Frenzy. Script Frenzy is ran by the same people who do NaNoWriMo and the basic idea is that you try to write 30 pages of script for a movie, tv series, anything in a month, starting on April 1^st. I decided to give it a go seeing how much success I’ve had with NaNo. I started searching for an idea last week, only wanting to make sure I had one because I didn’t want to leave it until the last minute like with NaNo. The idea got away with me though and now I’ve got the plot... at least most of it... and I’ve got my characters. I have a vague idea of what they look like too and what sort of style I’m going to use. I’m even building up a reference library of things that I can use to do my drawings. I’ve got twists, I’ve got back-story, I’ve got a page limit. All these things give me the feeling that for once, I may actually manage to do it. I don’t start writing the script until April so I’ve got time to develop my characters, draw settings, profiles, expression pages and a chance to test the drawing style. But I’m happy.

              In other news, I’ve canned Witchan. I’m not happy with the story, I haven’t been for a while. The general premise I like but I feel that it just needs more work and I have, as an authorial choice, taken the pages offline and I’m planning to work on the script some more at a later date. I want to rework the characters, rework the script, tweak the plot around. There are parts of the story and the idea that I love, most of the characters I love. But I just have this nagging feeling in the back of my head that I rushed into it all way too quickly. I’ve not even finished writing the thing, I’m not happy with the art and I have no idea what my main characters really look like. I think that I’m just going to have to pause the story, trash the pages and start over. So that’s what I’ve done. Once I’ve got the novel finished and the Script Frenzy idea rolling properly I may well go back to it. Who knows I might even dip in and out of it as I’m working on other things.
                Right now however, as well as Darkling Watch(the NaNo Novel), Of Swords and Magic(the Script Frenzy idea) and Chains in the Basement(a young adult novel I’m currently plotting), I’m working on a new old idea. Love Complications was one of the first stories that I actually finished. I decided that I wanted to turn it into a web-comic. So I did. I managed to get to the second chapter, almost the end of the second chapter in fact before I began to get the feeling that there was something off about the whole thing. The art I actually quite liked, even after it had changed a couple of times. It was the plot I was having issues with. The story was basically the wish fulfilment fantasy of a teenage girl, as I wrote it at 16 when I was having a few... issues with my school life. Now I’ve taken off the pages and I’m reworking the script. The basic idea is the same but the points along the way are changed, the characters are going to be more well-rounded. And most importantly, I’m going to take my time! With everything. Because I’m an impatient bugger.

Me with my ideas... I am a woman

Image courtesy of http://www.activegarage.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/dirty-dozen-6-impatience

              

If I don’t wait I’ll end up unhappy with it all again and just have to repeat this cycle over and over and over and over and over and... well you get the point. Planning needs to be balanced with actually creating and my ideas need to keep flowing. Working on a load of projects at once and giving myself deadlines seems to help spur me on so for now, I'm gonna stick with it.