A Good Week

Well.... what can I say about this week?

On Monday I started reading again, specifically a bunch of Darren Shan books, mostly his Saga of Darren Shan series. First off, I love them and I love how they develop. The gradually get darker and darker as the character of Darren delves deeper and deeper into the realms of the Vampires and the Vampeneze. Initially I got these books on my Kindle because I’d seen the movie ‘Cirque du Freak’, based on the first couple of novels, and really quite enjoyed it, even if it was a little childish at times. The books though are almost entirely different. Things happen a lot slower but you can see the plots growing and getting more and more complex as Darren ages and learns more about his new people. The film, in comparison, shoves huge chunks of the novels together, giving Darren his nemesis almost instantly and revealing almost all the information about the character of Mr Tiny within the first hour. Characters are switched around, brought in too early, completely left out or just created out of nowhere (You know who I’m talking about little monkey-girl).

Secondly, about the books, they helped me realise something about my own writing. You may know if you’ve read my archives, numerous as they are (*cough*) that I’ve been having trouble editing my completed novel. Since I’ve started working on the first page I’ve always felt that something wasn’t quite right about it. When I was reading the Shan Saga, as I refer to it, I realised that it was possible that I was using the wrong perspective. So I switched it around. I’ve spent this week rewriting my manuscript in 1^st person and already I’m seeing an improvement in the writing.
The trouble with my story is that it’s somewhat of a mystery. I’ve got some characters that know everything, some that only know parts and one that hasn’t a clue what’s going on. The temptation with writing all that in third person though is to reveal too much. All too often I found myself writing exposition that wasn’t needed or was coming too soon, now that I’ve switched perspectives though I’ve stopped that happening. The reader is only told as much as my main character knows, which at the end of the day, isn’t an awful lot. I’m actually starting to believe that I’m going to be able to finish editing this novel and make another step down the path to being published. 

I’ve also been working on my newest web-comic idea oSaM. The script was finished at the beginning of May and I’m now halfway through the edits/rewrites. It’s a fun thing to do and it feels like it’s going the way I want again. It’s also helping me stay inspired about the story itself and while I’m rewriting I keep coming across all these things about my characters that I didn’t know. It’s a lot of fun.

I’ve been drawing as well while I rewrite, sketching my characters and mostly doing anatomy studies. While I’m still unsure about the style I plan to use a good grasp of anatomy is essential when drawing any form of humanoid. In the past I’ve not bothered trying to learn and as a result my characters have looked odd and out of proportion. Now though I’m happy to say that even in my most cartoony of styles they’re looking normal and it’s easy to take a step towards imagining them in reality.

Basically, I’ve had a good week full of creativity.

There is a big painting bubbling away in the back of my mind though so who knows, next week I might even be able to talk about that.

Ciao.

On Writer's Block and Real Life

I’ve not posted much in the past few weeks, I know that. The main reason for this is the complete lack of motivation I’ve felt recently. I’ve mentioned writer’s block before, in several posts in the past, saying that it’s just an excuse for being purely lazy. In the recent weeks though I’ve come to realise that there may be more to it than just laziness. 

Life has a way of getting to us all. We all have different coping mechanisms, some people find new relationships, others take up exercise and others still find a new hobby. My coping mechanism seems to be that I lose any motivation to write, or if I am writing I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve been jobless for the past three months. This may not seem too bad, particularly in light of the economic situation at the minute, but job searching has a way of getting to you. The constant applications and rejections slowly start to wear down at my self esteem, making me feel more and more like a failure. I lose the motivation not just to apply for jobs but for a lot of other things, including writing and drawing. I’ve felt myself slipping into that black hole of despair that many writers and artists teeter on the edge of and in the past week or so I’ve clawed my way back into the sunlight.

I managed to finish the Script Frenzy script, I’ve been writing random one-shots based in that universe for a group I’ve joined on LiveJournal and I’m starting to feel a whole lot better about myself. Part of this is due to simple comments on my writing that I’ve received through the group, little things like they like certain parts of the stories or random little nuggets of the text that I slipped in because my mind goes a little loopy after 8pm. I even got a call yesterday about a job. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to get it as it would require me to have a driving license which I sadly lack but the fact that that was the only thing holding me back from it just served to reassure me.

But the fact of the matter is that I did get writer’s block and lost all motivation. But it wasn’t because I’m lazy and not because I believe that the creative muse is a fickle beast that flitters off like a butterfly at inappropriate times but because I’m human and I got sad. It’s something to think about and it has really made me realise how much life can affect us all in ways we didn’t even realise.

So, as I sit here on this rainy Thursday afternoon I ask that you remember this when decrying writer’s block. It’s a large generic term that too often gets used as an excuse but when it comes down to it writer’s block is a cover all term that simply says that the writer can’t write. Not because the ideas aren’t there but because there’s something else going on in their lives. Distractions are things that will and do happen to us all.

It’s life after all. Live it.

Validation!

I’ve had a busy weekend. What I originally planned to be a weekend full of chocolate, kid’s movies and PJ days turned into a weekend of dancing, drinking and hangovers. I think in the last few days I’ve barely had one proper meal a day. It’s the kind of partying you hear about the hot young celebs doing and to be honest with you all... I can’t figure out how they manage it. I’m exhausted, I ache all over and I just want to spend a day feeling normal instead of feeling like my stomach’s trying to crawl out of my mouth and my legs are going to stop working on the stairs so that I tumble to my crumpled death at the bottom.

You’re probably wondering why I’m bragging about my ‘awesome’ weekend instead of talking about writing or something. BUT. It is actually relevant. This busy weekend got me thinking about creative types and our need for validation. Most artists, writers, poets, singers, musicians, actors etc are constantly seeking feedback. Whether it’s a ‘well done’, a piece of advice or just the knowledge that someone’s looking at what they’ve put out there, creative types want validation of some kind. If you don’t agree with me I’d really suggest not reading what comes next. Come back in about three paragraphs. I feel so strongly about this matter that I ended up with heartburn as I wrote it.

Even if people try to say ‘oh no, I just do it because it’s what I love. I don’t do it for the money/praise/fame/30 whores a year.’ It’s a lie. A great big pork pie that would make Pinocchio’s nose stretch out and punch a whole through his fairy godmother’s ample bosom in a shower of blood and gore. Her still warm heart would be on the end of it. It’d beat. 

Twice.

He wouldn't be smiling then!

If the creative types didn’t want some form of validation they’d keep whatever they create hidden, out of the public eye. I know this because I used to do it, still do sometimes. I’d draw because I wanted to and just put the products in a folder. I’d write because I’d get the idea and then put it in a folder. I never thought about showing it to people. I didn’t want to. Not because I didn’t want the negative feedback that would more than likely appear, (well...maybe a little) but because they felt incredibly personal to me. They were my babies and I didn’t want anyone looking at them (Kind of like my lady-parts). That is the attitude of someone who just does it because they love it. People who claim they create because that’s what they love but still insist on putting it out there? I’m afraid they’re big fat fibbers.

It might be a big motivation but it’s not the only reason. There’s no denying it. There’s a reason why there’s Google Analytics and about a hundred other site traffic trackers out there. Creators (‘creative types’ is just getting too long to type out every time) want to know that people are looking at their work. It makes them feel important, even if someone just comes on to the site they have for a second. I know this because that’s what I do; I blog because I want to ramble at people about my writing and drawing but I don’t want to ramble at my family. There’re some things that are too weird even for them. Also, they end up throwing things at me. Still... I like to talk/type and I like to know that someone, somewhere is listening.

Should you create because you love it? Yes! That should be one of the biggest motivations behind what you do, if it isn’t then you’ll end up bored, dissatisfied and bitter. You know that feeling I mean; sort of like when you go out for food at a fancy place and it tastes like dog’s ass. Is there a tiny part of you that wants the fame/recognition/30 whores/money that you get for creating? Yes! There has to be or you’d just be keeping everything hidden. We creators need to start accepting the fact that we’re needy little bastards. We want to be noticed. It’s why we do what we do.

One of the worst offenders

You’re probably wondering why I bothered to mention my weekend at all at the beginning of the post. It doesn’t seem relevant to the hate-filled, heartburn inducing, 500 word rant I’ve just spilled out. It’s relevant you see because I got thinking. What if a creator’s need for recognition and validation of their work extends into their life and they need themselves to be validated by the attentions of others. Maybe that’s why you hear about all these creators marrying strings of partners, flitting between them like a wasp who’s had too much of that cider that spilled on the patio. So many of the modern celebrities are checking into rehab, ending up on the news for things completely unrelated to why they’re famous in the first place. They just want to be seen, to be known, to be noticed. The attention of the press, the fans, angry judges...it all makes them feel as though they themselves matter. Creators can end up relying on their partner for constant care and reassurance. They expect their S.O.s to drop everything to check their works and give them ‘reassurance’, to hold them when the papers give them yet another bad review.

Yes... I'm looking at you LiLo

And it’s only getting worse. The internet just keeps growing and growing. More and more people are becoming internet savvy. I’m almost there myself in fact and this thing scares me half the time. It’s gotten easier and easier to create your own website, advertise, grab people from all over the world. The cases of the self-made celebrity are growing. With them though is a bigger, constantly growing need for validation. Maybe we should form support groups? You tell me I’m awesome I tell you you’re pretty. Granted it’s not all bad. There’s no longer this sense of elitism about the creative world. You can get 100 fans and never leave the comfort of your own home. Truly exceptional artists and writers are distributing their creations when before in the years before they may never have had the chance.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that...maybe... us creators should try not to let our need for validation of our work become a need for validation of our very existence. For all our sakes.

Images courtesy of:

Technorati

US Magazine

PandoDaily

via Google.

Brain trickery. AKA procrastination

I am appallingly bad at doing things I’m meant to. It shows on the blog too. I should be write blog posts and posting them on time. I should be editing my novel and getting it ready to send off. I should be looking for a job every day. There’re lots of things I should be doing (too much time, too much stuff but it never gets done) but I just can’t get myself to do them. 

The thing is that I have to trick myself into doing anything most of the time. If I’m meant to be editing the novel I’ll be working on the Screnzy script. If I’m meant to be looking for a job I’ll be writing blog posts. Once I figure out what I do when I’m meant to be doing something else it’s fairly easy to get myself to do what I should be doing. Take this post for instance (no I don’t mean actually take it. Put it down!). I’m not meant to be writing it. I’m meant to be job hunting or editing right now. At least that’s what I told myself. Instead my brain decided that I should write a blog post instead and came up with this while I was cooking lunch (fish-finger sandwiches FYI). I don’t mind though as I know I needed to post something. Once I pinpoint when I do things as procrastination I can start making myself do them (I don’t even know if this makes sense :s).

This attitude probably isn’t healthy. In fact it screams of some kind of mental illness. The fact that I know I’m tricking myself into being productive but it still works really is a little worrying. But at the end of the day it gets me to do what needs to be done and that’s what matters. There’s probably going to be a point where I really need to start worrying though (mostly when I start referring to myself in the third person and occasionally demand to be addressed as Maximillian) but until then I’m just going to use this strange tricky ability (no, I know that doesn’t make sense but shush) and get things done.

See you in the nuthouse!