Validation!

I’ve had a busy weekend. What I originally planned to be a weekend full of chocolate, kid’s movies and PJ days turned into a weekend of dancing, drinking and hangovers. I think in the last few days I’ve barely had one proper meal a day. It’s the kind of partying you hear about the hot young celebs doing and to be honest with you all... I can’t figure out how they manage it. I’m exhausted, I ache all over and I just want to spend a day feeling normal instead of feeling like my stomach’s trying to crawl out of my mouth and my legs are going to stop working on the stairs so that I tumble to my crumpled death at the bottom.

You’re probably wondering why I’m bragging about my ‘awesome’ weekend instead of talking about writing or something. BUT. It is actually relevant. This busy weekend got me thinking about creative types and our need for validation. Most artists, writers, poets, singers, musicians, actors etc are constantly seeking feedback. Whether it’s a ‘well done’, a piece of advice or just the knowledge that someone’s looking at what they’ve put out there, creative types want validation of some kind. If you don’t agree with me I’d really suggest not reading what comes next. Come back in about three paragraphs. I feel so strongly about this matter that I ended up with heartburn as I wrote it.

Even if people try to say ‘oh no, I just do it because it’s what I love. I don’t do it for the money/praise/fame/30 whores a year.’ It’s a lie. A great big pork pie that would make Pinocchio’s nose stretch out and punch a whole through his fairy godmother’s ample bosom in a shower of blood and gore. Her still warm heart would be on the end of it. It’d beat. 

Twice.

He wouldn't be smiling then!

If the creative types didn’t want some form of validation they’d keep whatever they create hidden, out of the public eye. I know this because I used to do it, still do sometimes. I’d draw because I wanted to and just put the products in a folder. I’d write because I’d get the idea and then put it in a folder. I never thought about showing it to people. I didn’t want to. Not because I didn’t want the negative feedback that would more than likely appear, (well...maybe a little) but because they felt incredibly personal to me. They were my babies and I didn’t want anyone looking at them (Kind of like my lady-parts). That is the attitude of someone who just does it because they love it. People who claim they create because that’s what they love but still insist on putting it out there? I’m afraid they’re big fat fibbers.

It might be a big motivation but it’s not the only reason. There’s no denying it. There’s a reason why there’s Google Analytics and about a hundred other site traffic trackers out there. Creators (‘creative types’ is just getting too long to type out every time) want to know that people are looking at their work. It makes them feel important, even if someone just comes on to the site they have for a second. I know this because that’s what I do; I blog because I want to ramble at people about my writing and drawing but I don’t want to ramble at my family. There’re some things that are too weird even for them. Also, they end up throwing things at me. Still... I like to talk/type and I like to know that someone, somewhere is listening.

Should you create because you love it? Yes! That should be one of the biggest motivations behind what you do, if it isn’t then you’ll end up bored, dissatisfied and bitter. You know that feeling I mean; sort of like when you go out for food at a fancy place and it tastes like dog’s ass. Is there a tiny part of you that wants the fame/recognition/30 whores/money that you get for creating? Yes! There has to be or you’d just be keeping everything hidden. We creators need to start accepting the fact that we’re needy little bastards. We want to be noticed. It’s why we do what we do.

One of the worst offenders

You’re probably wondering why I bothered to mention my weekend at all at the beginning of the post. It doesn’t seem relevant to the hate-filled, heartburn inducing, 500 word rant I’ve just spilled out. It’s relevant you see because I got thinking. What if a creator’s need for recognition and validation of their work extends into their life and they need themselves to be validated by the attentions of others. Maybe that’s why you hear about all these creators marrying strings of partners, flitting between them like a wasp who’s had too much of that cider that spilled on the patio. So many of the modern celebrities are checking into rehab, ending up on the news for things completely unrelated to why they’re famous in the first place. They just want to be seen, to be known, to be noticed. The attention of the press, the fans, angry judges...it all makes them feel as though they themselves matter. Creators can end up relying on their partner for constant care and reassurance. They expect their S.O.s to drop everything to check their works and give them ‘reassurance’, to hold them when the papers give them yet another bad review.

Yes... I'm looking at you LiLo

And it’s only getting worse. The internet just keeps growing and growing. More and more people are becoming internet savvy. I’m almost there myself in fact and this thing scares me half the time. It’s gotten easier and easier to create your own website, advertise, grab people from all over the world. The cases of the self-made celebrity are growing. With them though is a bigger, constantly growing need for validation. Maybe we should form support groups? You tell me I’m awesome I tell you you’re pretty. Granted it’s not all bad. There’s no longer this sense of elitism about the creative world. You can get 100 fans and never leave the comfort of your own home. Truly exceptional artists and writers are distributing their creations when before in the years before they may never have had the chance.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that...maybe... us creators should try not to let our need for validation of our work become a need for validation of our very existence. For all our sakes.

Images courtesy of:

Technorati

US Magazine

PandoDaily

via Google.

Brain trickery. AKA procrastination

I am appallingly bad at doing things I’m meant to. It shows on the blog too. I should be write blog posts and posting them on time. I should be editing my novel and getting it ready to send off. I should be looking for a job every day. There’re lots of things I should be doing (too much time, too much stuff but it never gets done) but I just can’t get myself to do them. 

The thing is that I have to trick myself into doing anything most of the time. If I’m meant to be editing the novel I’ll be working on the Screnzy script. If I’m meant to be looking for a job I’ll be writing blog posts. Once I figure out what I do when I’m meant to be doing something else it’s fairly easy to get myself to do what I should be doing. Take this post for instance (no I don’t mean actually take it. Put it down!). I’m not meant to be writing it. I’m meant to be job hunting or editing right now. At least that’s what I told myself. Instead my brain decided that I should write a blog post instead and came up with this while I was cooking lunch (fish-finger sandwiches FYI). I don’t mind though as I know I needed to post something. Once I pinpoint when I do things as procrastination I can start making myself do them (I don’t even know if this makes sense :s).

This attitude probably isn’t healthy. In fact it screams of some kind of mental illness. The fact that I know I’m tricking myself into being productive but it still works really is a little worrying. But at the end of the day it gets me to do what needs to be done and that’s what matters. There’s probably going to be a point where I really need to start worrying though (mostly when I start referring to myself in the third person and occasionally demand to be addressed as Maximillian) but until then I’m just going to use this strange tricky ability (no, I know that doesn’t make sense but shush) and get things done.

See you in the nuthouse!

Project...Friday?

This is a very, very late Project Friday. Particularly seeing as it’s now Sunday. I’m really, really, really sorry. Friday I went all bleurgh and yesterday I was out until late with the Guides. Yes I’m a guide leader. People trust me with their children. I was amazed too. Anyway... I know it’s late, and I’ve already broken my word from last week but now it’s the first of April I actually have something to tell you about my projects. 

First is the Screnzy idea, oSaM. It’s no longer a vague concept in my mind, it’s getting substance and becoming reality. I’ve got one of my main characters designed and I’ve finally started to write the script. It’s slowly, very slowly, taking shape. Once I’ve finished this post I plan to get back to it and try to hit 5 pages before I go to bed. I’m really struggling with the opening though. Originally, in all my planning, I was going to just have mostly exposition for the first couple of pages but then I realised how boring it would be. Now I’m trying it where it starts with actual characters and has all the exposition come along later. It’s tricky though. I’m trying to get to some action and still show my readers what the characters are like but it’s almost impossible to do both. I need to sit down without any distractions and think about it properly.

Secondly, The Novel. Nothing’s really going on there. I’m still doing all my research, mostly into Norse myths and the religion. I’m also thinking about the story itself. Now in my original plans the story didn’t stop where I stopped it, there was another confrontation with the bad guys after the one I ended on. There was also way more manipulation of supporting characters that actually had the ability to destroy the world. Go figure. Now I’m looking at The Novel, trying to edit the first pages and I’m thinking to myself, ‘maybe I should separate it into three books.’ As it stands now it’s about a book and a half in length. Were I to add extra plottyness to the end (shaddup, it’s a word) I’d end up with a massive beast of a novel that could be used to knock out a large rhino. I’m probably going to have to split it up anyway, should I eventually get around to publishing it, so it’s worth considering turning it into a trilogy. I only meant for it to be a single novel. Go figure again.

Thirdly, the L.C. reboot. It’s stalled. That’s really the only way I can put it. Whatever creative muse has been stalking me this past month... well let’s say it’s like someone got a restraining order against it but it wasn’t me. This may be related to certain aspects of my social life that will stay private. Or it may be to do with the constant job rejections I’ve received this week. Every day I’d open my email inbox to see yet another rejection. I know I should be taking advantage of the fact that I’ve got no job but it’s disheartening when it feels constant. I’m hoping that a good night’s rest and some visible progress on oSaM will help pick me up.

I apologise for the somewhat depressing tone that this post seems to have taken but there’s not much I can do to change it. I try and edit it and it still sounds depressing. Apparently my unemployment is getting to me more than I thought.

Webcomic Wednesday!!

So it’s Wednesday and I’m writing this post. I actually managed to keep my promise. Go me!

Now the back patting and self congratulations are out of the way I’ll actually fill you in with what’s happening in my own personal web-comicking world.

For the last few days it’s been all about the resource gathering. I’ve been finding pictures, mostly for settings, and saving them onto my laptop into a variety of folders. I’m freakishly organised like that, at least for references. I’ve got entire folders dedicated to settings that may only appear for a few pages or so. I’ve got another bunch of folders solely for the use of character wardrobes, chockfull of clothing styles and pieces that I think reflect the vibe I’m going for with each character. Maybe this is the anal-retentive freak in me but I find organising my documents for comics to a freakish level fun and interesting. Artists and writers are generally thought of as some of the messiest people and I am messy. My room’s almost always got a few items of clothing lying around, although it’s usually folded slightly and put to one side. My comic materials and reference books are just shoved onto make-shift shelves in no particular order. Still though, I find myself organising and separating out my various projects into their own little physical folders. I give myself deadlines for completing certain parts of projects. It’s weird; I admit it and let’s move on. Nothing to see here, ignore the crazy creative type in the corner.

Last night I was reading through some other web-comics and sketch threads on the wonderful SmackJeeves forums that I frequent, probably too many times a day and I started sketching some of the images that I liked. I did this mostly to figure out why I liked a character or a style which actually worked. Then I shoved bits and pieces together and in a rough, and I mean ROUGH, sketch I managed to create one of my main characters! I’ve been struggling for ages to get him looking right, ever since I thought him up. He’s always come out too clean cut and young-looking but I need him battle hardened and a little rough around the edges. I’ve spent most of this evening working on a proper sketch of him though and it seems to be working. At last I have a picture of Gabe on paper that actually matches how I see him in my head. I’m so happy! He still needs work, shading and colour and the like, but I’m happy with how he’s looking so far. 

I just hope I can carry on drawing him for the 100+ pages that the Screnzy comic’s going to be.

I also went to an art store today. Big Mistake. I ended up buying some stuff for painting with acrylics; paintbrushes, acrylic painting pads, acrylic paints... Any way... I’m telling you this for a reason. Well, a reason other than the fact that I just want to talk about my shiny new toys. I’m telling you all this because, HOPEFULLY, I can start painting a few of my settings into actual paintings. I’ve still got to do all the prep work still as the settings currently live in my head, but once that’s out of the way I should be good and ready to paint some lovely, lovely pictures. And who knows, I might actually share some of my In-Progress pictures with you all... if I remember. Someone remind me?

Well, that’s my promise kept and my ramble about web-comics done. I plan on posting again on Friday for.... Project Friday? Yeah I made that one up on the spot too. Not as catchy as this one. I’ll work on it.

Ahem. Where was I? Oh yes, Project Friday *wince*. On Friday I’ll be filling you all in on the progress of various projects and might include a few photos/scans. Maybe even one of the lovely Gabe.

Excited?